The last twist in the tale: The witch and the bitch.

A red-gold glow burst suddenly across the enchanted sky above them, as an edge of dazzling sun appeared over the sill of the nearest window. It was the moment of reckoning. The battle of Hogwarts was about to end. Harry potter raised the blackthorn wand, and he saw Voldemort do the same with the elder wand.
They both hesitated. Something was not right. It was one of those feelings when everything’s in place but still something’s missing.
That’s when it happened.
The doors to the great hall swung open with a resounding bang, and all the heads turned mechanically to see who it could be at a time like this.
Three figures glided in, in robes of dark purple, fast as bullets.
“It’s a bird!” cried one apple-cheeked young wizard.
“It’s a plane!” cried another.
“What’s a plane?” asked a plump blond witch, inconsequentially.
“It’s Superman!!” rounded off a third, dramatically.
The sunlight from the tracery window up near the roof hit the faces of the three strangers who had entered the room, and their faces were revealed for the entire hall to see.
Bella Swan, Edward Cullen and Jacob Black peered at the crowd of hundred odd witches from under the hoods of their travelling cloaks, their faces weary and tired. But it wasn’t because of the long journey they had undertaken, their faces were just built that way.
The crowd stared blankly at the trio, while the three of them blinked stupidly.
Bella, who was clearly not used to such a lack of attention, cleared her throat. “Love me. I need you!” she screamed nonsensically in the air, to no one in particular.
“I am hot.” Edward said matter-of-fatedly in a tone which would have made Paris Hilton proud.
Voldemort tutted disapprovingly.
When no one responded, she awkwardly crouched and hid herself in the shadows. Not before she tripped on her own feet, though.
As Bella fell to the ground, face first, Déjà vu slapped harry squarely on his face. This had happened before. Twice.
The crowd burst out laughing as one while Bella lay there, sprawled awkwardly on the cold stone floor. Jacob rushed to her side, while Edward preened and pouted at a particularly attractive witch in the crowd who eyed him suggestively. Bella winced angrily as Jacob clumsily tried to help her.
“Go away!” she yelled at him, as he tried to hold her up in his arms. Even though she had Jacob on the hook (she had kissed him once, but had blamed it on the pre-battle stress then), it was Edward who she really wanted. After all, he was handsome, really old and made intense soap actor-like faces. What more could any girl ask for?
Jacob sulked off to the sides, and harry distinctly heard him mutter something about choosing Edward over him.
Voldemort rolled his eyes, frankly, this teenage angst was getting to him. After all, wasn’t having to deal with a whole school of hormone ridden youngsters enough?
Edward walked nonchalantly towards Bella, who was still sitting awkwardly on the floor. He hoisted her up, with a sudden jerk, and walked away, still not paying any attention to her. There were so many girls here, and so little time.
“Oh, what big arms you have, Edward?” Bella cooed sappily, noticing this, while Edward preened and pouted.
“The better to hold you with, B” Edward replied, looking more at the pretty witch, than at Bella.
Bella was pissed. Majorly.
Harry thought that this all seemed vaguely familiar from a fairy tale he had heard while he was younger, but he couldn’t remember.
“What a big head you have, oh Edward?” Bella continued, at which Edward cocked one of his perfectly shaped eyebrows.
“Go sister!” Hermione Granger hooted from amidst the crowd, feminist that she was. Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley high-fived.
“This is not a part of the script!” Edward hissed at Bella, while she glared with the little bit of emotion that she could manage.
Edward who had always gotten out of trouble till now by giving one of his trademark piercing stares, tried to do so, But Bella wasn’t stupid any more. At least, not so much.
“Red Riding Hood!” harry cried out aloud, and immediately stopped as everyone turned around, wanting to see who had disturbed the intense charade.
Edward thought that two could play the same game.
Scrunching up his eyes, as if he was concentration with great difficulty, Edward rounded up on Bella, and asked, “What a Non-descriptive face you have, Bella?”
“The better for young adolescent girls all over the world to associate themselves with!” Bella replied, coolly.
Harry was amazed by her wit at a time like this.
“Jacob, Oh Jacob! Where are you?” She wailed loudly, and Jacob rushed so quickly to her side that Harry thought she had summoned him with a summoning charm.
Jacob grinned appreciatively at Bella, having had forgotten that she had reproached him just a few minutes ago.
Jacob looked at Harry’s quizzed expression, and smiled slightly.
“Rebound, Bro!” he said, as if it explained everything.
“No fair!” Ron Weasley burst out. Harry didn’t know whether Jacob calling him bro or Bella openly canoodling with her best friend while her boyfriend stood there, had annoyed him more. Harry didn’t dare ask. Ronald had issues, and Harry had come to terms with them. Hermione hadn’t but that was an entirely different story.
A story which Harry had told to a roomful of people, much to Ron’s annoyance, when he was three fire whiskeys down. Ron had not yet forgiven him.
Hermione tsked impatiently, and Ron rounded up on her. “ Yeah, you take his side. I always knew that something was going on between the two of you, all the times you were cramped up in the tiny little tent. Harry stifled a laugh, trying not to think of graphic images of Him and Hermione in the tent disturb him.
Jacob laughed loudly, which annoyed Edward in turn. “what are you laughing about?” he asked the werewolf,” You very well tried to do the same thing with my girlfriend!” he growled, which made Bella snort with derisive laughter.
“ Girlfriend? What about the tramp over there?” she asked, pointing at Pansy Parkinson, the girl who Edward had been eyeing.
“hey! Don’t involve me in any of this! My Death eater boyfriend is enough drama!” she said defensively.
Hermione snorted.
As the six teenagers bickered and bad mouthed each other, Voldemort shrieked like a young school girl. “ I. Can’t. Take. This. Any. More.” He wailed loudly , making a dash for the entrance gate. World domination was one thing, But handling teenage angst, well, that just wasn’t his cup of tea.
As Voldemort disappeared off the ramparts of the school façade, The sextet stopped. The battle was over, but the teen drama wasn’t.

Another twist in the tale: The edward Cullen story

A red-gold glow burst suddenly across the enchanted sky above them, as an edge of dazzling sun appeared over the sill of the nearest window. It was the moment of reckoning. The battle of Hogwarts was about to end. Harry potter raised the blackthorn wand, and he saw Voldemort do the same with the elder wand.
That is when it happened.
Edward Cullen strutted into the Great Hall, his lips pouting, his eyes scrunched up intensely.
“Cedric!” cried out Cho Chang, who stood amidst the crowd, and ran towards him. Harry and Voldemort lowered their wands, puzzled expressions on their faces and looked at each other questioningly.
Almost the whole Hufflepuff house tittered the hall with their echoing applause. Edward stopped, in the centre of the room, attention hungry that he was.
“I am not Cedric.” He said slowly, emotionlessly.
“You are not?” But you look the same!” Cho said, her smile faltering.
“Polyjuice potion, I must say.” Harry said loudly, wanting to belittle Edward. Nobody stole his thunder. Nobody.
Edward glared at Harry. Or tried to. His botox-ed face wouldn’t let him. “No. I am a vampire.” He said smugly, looking at the crowd, expecting all the girls to swoon and all the boys to cry out. Nobody did.
He stood there, blanked out.
“Bella?” he asked, unconvincingly.
Bellatrix came up front, smiling suggestively at the boy in front of her.
“Yes?” she asked of him, winking at him.
“No. Not you. Bella Swan, My one and only human love.” he said, meekly, his face stiff. He wouldn’t want to mess with this one, she looked like somebody who meant business. He just needed a simple small town girl who would worship him. He searched in the crowd, for a suitable candidate. Well, If Bella wasn’t here , he just needed to find another human.
He saw her then. The pretty girl with the bushy brown hair.
“You” he cried out to her, while the girl shifted uncomfortably, “yes, you. Want to worship me? we can have make believe intellectual conversations like eighty year olds” he asked her cockily, sure she wouldn’t say no, Bella used to love those sessions.
Hermione Granger blazed with fury. “No!” she cried out angrily, with an echoing resonance. Almost everyone laughed. Somewhere in the crowd, Ron Weasley breathe a sigh of relief.
“You can’t be Cedric anyway.” Cho said spitefully. This was the second time a boy had chosen Hermione over her, and it did not go down well with her. “He was cuter. More intelligent. And lastly, had normal meals like the rest of us!” she concluded smugly.
All the girls agreed. The boys hooted. Minerva McGonagall whooped in the air, while Flitwick rushed into an impromptu hip-hop jig.
“ How dare you, you, you…Humans!” he said lamely, his voice shrill like that a school girl.
“Are you done now?” Voldemort asked Edward hoarsely, rolling his eyes. “We have a battle to get back to, pretty boy!” Edward shifted slightly, getting a bit luke-warm under the collar.
Then it happened.
A dirty shoe came hurtling from somewhere, hitting Edward and bouncing off his head.
“ ow!”, he cried out, trying to fight back the tears.
“Wimp!” somebody cried out.
“Loser!” said another.
Another shoe followed suit. And a hundred after that.
“Moron!”
“Retard!”
“Male chauvinist pig!” That was Hermione.
“Dumbfuck!” McGonagall said loudly. She was in her element.
Harry and Voldemort threw their wands at Edward, having nothing else to throw,laughing derisively as he ran out the Great hall, crying loudly.
All was well.