The Inconvenient Truth

This is it. It’s that day of your life; the day of introspection.
Here we are, at that turn of our life, when you question, and you answer, tackling a long list of FAQ’s all by yourself, like a one person game of chess. We procrastinate some of the best things in life, just to live out our worst ones. Life needs to be reckless, a constant gamble of decisions, but we rely too much on our security blankets, our comfort bubbles, sidelining our spontaneous dreams to live out a dreary reality. I feel hopeless; like nothing can save me. Why did I come back to this hopeless place? Some place I must confess, I had sworn off? Weren’t those five arduous years enough, a constant reminder of bad designs and glass traced sheets?

A farce of an institution this; where they suck out souls, and train you to be mindless drones? Every ounce of creativity is crushed and mutilated, behind layers of rules and laws, loopholes and conventions, as frivolous of the alleged university that makes them. Where, ironically, in the words immortalised by one of my least favourite fictional teachers, progress for the sake of progress is an act of regress? It’s no surprise the institute is one step away from using corporeal punishment. Why complain about growth then, when you stunt the student yourself? The establishment discourages any form of out-of-the-box burst of thought, boxing you away into a useless archive, distinguished by year and roll number. Are we a fort or a foundation? Why choose the lesser of the two evils, when there should be an option not to choose any evil at all? There’s an obvious need for an intervention, which is ironic, because not all interventions can’t be designed. Can merit be judged only on mark, or the mother tongue that you speak? People needn’t be shuttled between egos, fearing stalwarts with blatant traces of nepotism, tributary follows river, son follows father, and idea follows ideology. Complaints, and pleas are thus suppressed, by fear or founding families. Hierarchy runs high, like a castle of playing cards, each playing the quintessential blame game; and I continue living in limbo, somewhere in between, two states, two frames, two ends, of teacher and student. Am I to be a glorified baby sitter, or a hapless little personal attendant? I came in free spirited and carefree wanting to make a difference, to bring about a radical change, but I couldn’t change the system, the system probably changed me. I am not dejected, nor am I depressed, not yet; But i am getting there, as fast as I can. Give me a life problem any day; it’s the architectural ones that I am scared of. I could have quit, and gone ahead to the job of my dreams, living a happier un-caged life, unbottled and pure.
The only problem?
I didn’t know what my dreams were.

Point to be noted, maybe these past few years, I made all the wrong choices, but somewhere down the line, I met all the right people. This butterfly effect probably made me who I am today, and any arbitrary turning elsewhere, I would have been different, I would have been delusional.
more so than I am today.
That is which brings us to the single most important question, after a long charm-bracelet string of queries.

This is not a rant, this is not a ramble.
What is this then?

This is the inconvenient truth.