Another twist in the tale: The edward Cullen story

A red-gold glow burst suddenly across the enchanted sky above them, as an edge of dazzling sun appeared over the sill of the nearest window. It was the moment of reckoning. The battle of Hogwarts was about to end. Harry potter raised the blackthorn wand, and he saw Voldemort do the same with the elder wand.
That is when it happened.
Edward Cullen strutted into the Great Hall, his lips pouting, his eyes scrunched up intensely.
“Cedric!” cried out Cho Chang, who stood amidst the crowd, and ran towards him. Harry and Voldemort lowered their wands, puzzled expressions on their faces and looked at each other questioningly.
Almost the whole Hufflepuff house tittered the hall with their echoing applause. Edward stopped, in the centre of the room, attention hungry that he was.
“I am not Cedric.” He said slowly, emotionlessly.
“You are not?” But you look the same!” Cho said, her smile faltering.
“Polyjuice potion, I must say.” Harry said loudly, wanting to belittle Edward. Nobody stole his thunder. Nobody.
Edward glared at Harry. Or tried to. His botox-ed face wouldn’t let him. “No. I am a vampire.” He said smugly, looking at the crowd, expecting all the girls to swoon and all the boys to cry out. Nobody did.
He stood there, blanked out.
“Bella?” he asked, unconvincingly.
Bellatrix came up front, smiling suggestively at the boy in front of her.
“Yes?” she asked of him, winking at him.
“No. Not you. Bella Swan, My one and only human love.” he said, meekly, his face stiff. He wouldn’t want to mess with this one, she looked like somebody who meant business. He just needed a simple small town girl who would worship him. He searched in the crowd, for a suitable candidate. Well, If Bella wasn’t here , he just needed to find another human.
He saw her then. The pretty girl with the bushy brown hair.
“You” he cried out to her, while the girl shifted uncomfortably, “yes, you. Want to worship me? we can have make believe intellectual conversations like eighty year olds” he asked her cockily, sure she wouldn’t say no, Bella used to love those sessions.
Hermione Granger blazed with fury. “No!” she cried out angrily, with an echoing resonance. Almost everyone laughed. Somewhere in the crowd, Ron Weasley breathe a sigh of relief.
“You can’t be Cedric anyway.” Cho said spitefully. This was the second time a boy had chosen Hermione over her, and it did not go down well with her. “He was cuter. More intelligent. And lastly, had normal meals like the rest of us!” she concluded smugly.
All the girls agreed. The boys hooted. Minerva McGonagall whooped in the air, while Flitwick rushed into an impromptu hip-hop jig.
“ How dare you, you, you…Humans!” he said lamely, his voice shrill like that a school girl.
“Are you done now?” Voldemort asked Edward hoarsely, rolling his eyes. “We have a battle to get back to, pretty boy!” Edward shifted slightly, getting a bit luke-warm under the collar.
Then it happened.
A dirty shoe came hurtling from somewhere, hitting Edward and bouncing off his head.
“ ow!”, he cried out, trying to fight back the tears.
“Wimp!” somebody cried out.
“Loser!” said another.
Another shoe followed suit. And a hundred after that.
“Moron!”
“Retard!”
“Male chauvinist pig!” That was Hermione.
“Dumbfuck!” McGonagall said loudly. She was in her element.
Harry and Voldemort threw their wands at Edward, having nothing else to throw,laughing derisively as he ran out the Great hall, crying loudly.
All was well.